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I’m so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.The other day I came home early and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘Because you came home early.’My wife’s such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.I know I’m not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.My wife is such a bad cook. In my house we pray after the meal.My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.It’s been a. Unless you, Greg, want to finish undressing me.” I winked suggestively at him, and reached behind me unclasping my bra. I took it, and threw it at his face. Greg stood there for a few more minutes, and finally walked over to the bed. Alex was about to say something when I took my phone, and opened it up.“No, wait! Fine. Whatever you want.” Alex joined his dad, and I got rid of my phone, and my panties.“Lay on the floor.” I ordered Greg. He did as he was told, and I pulled Alex into a passionate. I was wet already and he was about to see that I was. So I bent over and let him get a good look.“Oh my sweet bitch; you are awesome…”My Boss whispered.“Then he told me to sit on his desk and ordered me to spread my legs wide for him. I did it very slowly, making him wait…He ran his fingers across my cunt, spreading my wetness all around. I thought I was going to scream, I wanted his tongue on me, without losing more time…Stuart must have read my mind because before I knew it, his face was. Now if you'll excuse us, the people that actually matter to me are gonna go bowl, go fuck yourself, or like usual get a stranger to do it for you.”I heard her huff as we walked to the counter to pay and get our shoes. I don't remember ever getting worked up like that. I almost felt a little sorry, but she had it coming big time.“Wow Randy! You really put her in her place!” Rita said.“I knew she could be a bitch sometimes but I didn't know like that!” Stephanie said.“Yeah she is, but I don't.
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