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I sometimes blame myself for not being able to do something but Mom reassured me that Dad wouldn’t want me to beat myself up about it.Like I said it was a long drive to the lake house and I was right. I was bored out of my mind the whole drive. The only thing that kept me busy was thinking about Lucy and munching away at the sandwiches Mom made. I wondered what Lucy might be up to and our time together. I wondered if she would have met a guy and something would happen between them. I must admit. "Really? You say that tome?" I shook my head and got on the bus. Four hours later we pulledinto Bemidji. I grabbed my purse and my overnight bag and stood. I gotoff the bus and looked around. Mom was all alone about 30 feet awaylooking right past me for her son. I walked over to her and said, "Mrs.Holgersen?" She turned and looked at me. "Mama, it's me." The look thatcame on her face was one of disbelief. "Lars?" I nodded. "But my nameis Sonya now." I thought she was going to faint right there.. On the other hand, vagina and clitoris were too proper and better used in the doctor’s office. Mom used them up until the time she gave Emily “The Talk.” Since then, she just made subtle references.And then, there were the words “dick”, “cock” and “balls” that sounded tantalizing and more masculine than the stilted anatomical terms of penis and testicles. Of course, she would know better once she got to know them for real.She was neutral about “fuck”, the most famous of all four-letter words.. The nightmares from her father continued for over a year. He was no longer her new father, but instead, a monster. If she tried to resist, he would hold her down, causing it to hurt even more. There was no one for her to confide in because she was home-schooled and didn’t have a phone to use. She could not even tell her mother because he was always there since he worked from home. She had resigned herself to the fact that this was how her life would be, when one day, her father actually left.
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